December 1985

ASK THE DOCTOR

Gay Peoples Chronicle

being alone:

Page 11

-BY PETER BEEBE

There is a fundamental process in life: standing apart, balanced with standing with. More technical terminology might be differentiation, in balance with integration. One, differentiation, is considered the

stereotypically masculine characteristic; the other, integration, is the more stereotypically feminine. Both are essential. The person who stands apart, but cannot stand with, faces a life of isolation. The person who stands with, but hot apart, does not really know who he or she is. One life is marked by distance; the other by fusion.

There are periods in our lives when one polarity is the more dominant. In early

infancy, it is intended that we join in order to survive. Only gradually does the child begin to distinguish between self and other, and if this process of separating is made too difficult, the balance between standing with and standing apart can be affected significantly.

•

In adolescence, on the other hand, standing apart becomes paramount. The task of these years is to distinguish self from family in particular, and to begin finding a place in a larger world.

In adulthood, hopefully, we are able to achieve a fluidity--not just standing apart, and not just standing with, but many movements between the two.

Classified Ads

Many of us enter relationships--friendships or lover relationships--in order that we no longer "have to be alone."

I would like to consider this phrase, "to be alone," in light of what I have just written about standing apart and with.

If I have come through my life with some capacity to make contact with myself, to experience my thoughts, my feelings, and to make decisions regarding what I experience of myself, then I have come to stand apart. As I stand apart, my desire not to be alone signals a readiness to stand with another human being who has experienced self similarly. When such a meeting occurs, I

stand apart in the midst of standing with. There is a clear sense of being both alone and with another.

If, however, I have come through my life with less capacity to make contact with myself and to make decisions regarding self, and thus have not come to stand alone, then my desire not to be alone is more likely a wish to join, to find my identity by standing with another. When two such persons meet, either or both without capacity to be alone, there is no possibility of being genuinely together.

Putting all this simply: loving another human being is founded on a certain capacity to be alone.

WANTED TO BUY

CASH FOR YOUR RECORDS. Always buying unwanted, unloved or unneeded albums and 45's. Also buy tapes, sheet music, songbooks and pictures; in fact, any memorabilia, books, or magazines about rock, pop, jazz, country, Hollywood or Broadway. OHIO CITY RESALE, RESALE, 5007 Detroit Ave., 631-8444. Open 7 days until 4 pm.

SERVICES

BIG COOKIES. 12" home made cookies, personalized and your sweetie.

delivered

to

Call Cooky Talk, 397-0368.

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED

HELP FIGHT AIDS! Education is our only weapon. Help educate our community about AIDS. Volunteers are urgently needed to answer the Ohio AIDS Hotline and the Cleveland Gay/Lesbian Hotline. BE THERE WHEN YOU'RE NEEDED! Call 651-7111, 4-11 p.m.

PERSONALS

GWM, trim, 40, seeks younger agreeable, willing GWM for friendship and safe health relationship. Send description and phone number to: Box 14094, Cleveland, OH 44114.

Mail copy and payment to:

GPC

PO Box 5426 Cleveland OH 44101

Rates are $10 in advance for 25 words or less. An additional $5 is charged for each additional set of 25 words. All telephone numbers published in ads must be confirmed.

The Chronicle reserves the right to classify all ads. We also reserve the right to edit or refuse any ads. Effort will be made to contact the advertiser before either of these options is exercised.

GPC

CLASSIFIEDS

WORK!

THE FUN BEGINS!

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8

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